


Never have I ever

by Ozpin_Lover_MP



Category: RWBY
Genre: Comedy, Fluff, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 07:05:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17421293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ozpin_Lover_MP/pseuds/Ozpin_Lover_MP
Summary: Qrow convinces Ozpin to join a game of "Never have I ever" with Glynda and Ironwood. It gets pretty personal pretty fast. Warning for sex jokes and an offhanded comment about rape at the end.





	Never have I ever

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for sex jokes and an offhanded comment about rape at the end.

“Why did I agree to this?” Ozpin asked as Qrow dragged him to where Ironwood and Glynda were sitting around a small coffee table covered in alcoholic drinks and glasses. 

“Team bonding,” Qrow replied, “and it’s New Year’s Eve. You can’t spend the whole time moping in your office,” 

“I don’t mope,” Ozpin grumbled, sitting next to Glynda. 

“Okay, here’s how the game works,” Qrow explained, “I’ll say never have I ever something, and if you’ve done that thing you take a drink. Then it’s the next person’s turn. Pretty simple really,” 

“Can you give us an example?” Glynda asked curtly. 

Qrow shrugged. “Never have I ever… read Doctor Frankenstein’s Monster,” 

Ironwood poured himself a drink and passed the bottle to Glynda. Qrow must be one of the few people in this building who hasn’t read it, Ozpin mused. 

“Didn’t you read it in grade school?” Glynda asked, pouring herself a drink and passing the bottle to Ozpin. 

Qrow shook his head. “I never went to school before Beacon,” 

“So I just, say something along that vein?” Ironwood asked. It was his turn next. 

Qrow nodded. “But try to make it more interesting. My example was lame,” 

Ironwood looked around the room for inspiration. “Never have I ever fallen out of a window?” 

Ozpin sighed dramatically and took a sip of his drink. He had a feeling that having lots of life experiences wasn’t going to be an advantage in this game. He had better take it slow if he didn’t want to end up drunk before everyone else. 

“Are you ok?” Glynda asked. 

Ozpin nodded. “I fell asleep reading from the windowsill… next thing I knew I had cracked my head open. Not my proudest moment,” 

… 

Glynda smirked. “Never have I ever been misgendered,” 

Ironwood rolled his eyes, taking another drink. 

Qrow spat his out. “What? How?” 

“Sixteen-year-old me thought that a ponytail was a good look,” 

… 

“Never have I ever worn glasses for purely aesthetic purposes,” Qrow drawled, a slight grin tugging at his lips. Oh, so they were targeting their questions, were they? Ozpin narrowed his eyes. It was so on. When it was his turn, he merely said: 

“Never have I ever worn a skirt,”

“You swore never to speak of it again!” 

…

“Never have I ever lost a body part,” Glynda said obviously targeting Ironwood. Ozpin sighed as he took a drink as well. Losing a body part wasn’t that uncommon for a huntsman, and he had done it several times. He shuddered slightly. Not the most pleasant of memories. 

…

“Never have I ever walked in on my sister having sex,” Ozpin suggested. 

Qrow sighed dramatically and took a drink. “I feel ganged up on,”

…

“Never have I ever kissed a guy,” Qrow suggested. 

Glynda sighs a takes a drink

Qrow raised his eyebrows as Ozpin and Ironwood both reached for their glasses as well. “I’ve lived a long time,” Ozpin said in way of explanation. 

“I was experimenting,” Ironwood mumbled. 

…

“Never have I ever tried to tame a Grimm,”

Ironwood rolled his eyes and took a drink. 

Ozpin did too. “It was an experiment,”

…

“Never have I ever yelled at a student,” Ozpin grinned. 

“How??” Qrow asked. “You spend more time teaching than me!” 

“Glaring at them does the trick. I’m sure Glynda could teach you,” Ozpin suggested. 

“Not a chance,” Glynda hissed. 

…

“Never have I ever kissed a student,” Ironwood said. 

Qrow took a swig of his beer. 

“Qrow! What the hell!?” Glynda exclaimed. 

“It was my first year out of Beacon okay, I was just a TA, they were only a year younger than me and they weren’t even in any of my classes! Besides, it’s not like anything happened!” Qrow put his hands up. 

“Methinks you being too defensive,” Ozpin suggested. 

“You’re drunk. Shut up,” Qrow replied. 

“I’m not drunnk,” Ozpin replied, rubbing his head, “Well, maybe a little. But it’s really more your fault than mine!” 

...

“Never have I ever vomited during an exam,” Ironwood smirked at Glynda, happy to finally get her out with something. 

Glynda rolls her eyes. “It was your fault. If we hadn’t eaten at that dodgy restaurant for lunch I would have been fine,”

…

“Never have I ever lost important documents on the train,” Glynda said, arms folded. 

“They weren’t lost, they were stolen!” Qrow protested. 

…

“Never have I ever had sex in my office,” Ozpin said, leaning back in his chair. 

“...” No one moved. 

“Huh,” Ozpin shrugged, “At least you're all semi-responsible,” 

… 

“Never have I died,” Qrow said, pointedly looking at Ozpin. 

“That’s a little unfair,” Ozpin complained. 

“But true,” Ironwood pointed out. 

“But I’ve already had the most to drink,” Ozpin continued. 

“We can tell,” Glynda mumbled under her breath. 

… 

“Never have I ever braided a girls hair,” Ironwood stated. 

“Didn’t you have any friends who were girls with long hair?” Glynda asked. 

“Yes, but they would have killed me if I touched their hair,”

…

“Never have I ever hugged a sibling,” Ironwood smiled, confident to get Qrow with this one. 

“Actually you have, I’m a sibling,” Qrow waggled his eyebrows. 

“But you’re not my sibling,” Ironwood protested. 

“You said a sibling,” Qrow replied. 

“He is right,” Glynda smirked. 

Ironwood sighed and took another sip of beer. 

… 

“Never have I ever tried BDSM,” Qrow stated. 

Glynda raised one eyebrow. “I don’t believe you,” 

“Woah, I mean, I would be all for it but Summer really wasn’t into that kinda thing. So we stuck with Vanilla. Nothing wrong with that,” Qrow folded his arms. 

“And the other girls?” Glynda asked. 

“What other girls?” Qrow growled. “What are you implying?” 

Glynda looked away. “Nothing,” 

“Look, I can’t help being charming, but that doesn’t mean I bang every girl I see. I have standards. And no one actually meets them after we’ve chatted for more than five minutes,” Qrow explained. 

“Are we drinking then?” Ironwood asked, pouring some champaign for himself and Glynda. 

“Wait…” Qrow narrowed his eyes and looked between the two of them. 

Glynda blushed furiously. 

Ironwood opened his mouth as if to say something, but Glynda cut him off “If you say one word about that, James, then I will tell them about all your weird kinks,” 

Ironwood shut his mouth. 

Qrow just sort of looked and Glynda, then at Ironwood, and then back at Glynda again. 

“Didn’t you know that they used to be a couple?” Ozpin asked. 

Qrow shrugged. “I guess… I just never thought that they’d do… that,” 

“We’re right here you know!” Glynda exclaimed, “and we were both adults and engaged, it was bound to happen. Can’t we just move on?” 

…

“Never have I ever had sex with someone who’s more than five years younger than me,” Qrow leaned back in into his chair, looking forward to getting to finish his beer. 

“I’m over four thousand years old! How is that fair?” Ozpin exclaimed. 

Qrow pouted in disappointment. He really wanted to lose a round. “Oh, sorry Oz,” 

… 

“Never have I ever flirted my way out of paying my tab,” Ozpin suggested. 

“I don’t flirt, I just ask nicely,” Qrow huffed. 

“Whilst flexing your muscles and telling stories of being a great huntsman?” Glynda asked. 

“... point taken” 

… 

“Never have I ever set my hair on fire during sex,” 

“Glynda! I thought we weren’t talking about that!” 

… 

“Never have I ever had oral sex” Qrow smirked. 

“Fuck you,” Ozpin narrowed his eyes. Ah. He was swearing. He should probably stop drinking soon… 

“I mean, I would, but it might make things a little awkward,” Qrow replied. 

Ozpin felt his face heat up. “Dammit Qrow,” he muttered. 

…

“Never have I ever been caught having sex by my parents,” Qrow said. 

Ironwood rolls his eyes, picking up his drink. 

“Wait, really?” 

… 

“Never have I ever been in handcuffs,” It was Qrow’s turn again. 

Ozpin took a sip of his drink.

“Really Oz?” 

“I was in prison!” Ozpin quickly explained, face heating up again. He hadn’t thought that Qrow meant it like that! 

“Kinky,” 

Ozpin facepalms. “I hate all of you,” 

…

“Never have I ever used a sex toy,” Ironwood said. He must be getting a little tipsy too if he was actually relaxed to talk about stuff like that. 

“...” 

“No one? Really?” 

… 

“Never have I ever cheated on someone,” Qrow stated. 

Ironwood coughed, and Glynda glared at him. 

“Seriously?” Qrow asked. “I was trying to lose that turn so I could open the Gin and Tonic. That’s not cool dude,” 

If looks could kill, Ironwood would be dead, Ozpin mused. Though Qrow is right, it’s extremely uncool to cheat on someone. Was that why Ironwood and Glynda broke up? 

… 

“Never have I ever flashed someone,” Qrow stated. 

“Really Glynda? You were the last one I expected,” 

“It was an accident! My shirt got ripped!” 

…

“Never have I ever licked food off someone,” Qrow winked. 

“Ew. That is gross.” Glynda replied. 

There was a moment of silence as no one moved. 

“No one? You guys are so boring. How can I tease you about kinks if you don’t have any?” 

… 

Right, it was Ozpin’s turn again. What should he ask? They were definitely in the dirty territory… what did Salem do, back before she went mad? That was most of Ozpin’s experience with such things. 

“Never have I ever threatened my partner into having sex,” the words left his mouth before he gave them a second thought. 

“...”

“The fuck Ozpin? Are you ok?” Qrow exclaimed. 

“That’s rape,” Ironwood added, frowning. Was it? Ozpin thought. He hadn’t meant it like that… Only it might be if you knew that your partner would make good on their threat. Shit, he was too drunk for this. 

“I think I’m very drunk. I should go to bed,” he said, standing up. 

His friends looked at him in concern. 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Glynda asked gently. 

Ozpin nodded. “That just came out wrong. I should go to bed before I completely embarrass myself,” 

… 

The game ended there.


End file.
